Basically I gave up on trying to give up on you.

You just make it impossible.

And now… oh god, now.

It just got worse. I guess, I’m stuck with you for my whole life.

Hopefully, one day you’ll realize I’m here waiting for you to make that choice.

Either take me or let me be.

I’m dating someone. We are not serious yet or anything, but we are dating.

And I feel guilty.

Guilty because it doesn’t matter how awesome this girl is, I can’t help but compare her to you. I fell for you so hard that now you’ve established a certain pattern of taste in me.

So she just seems incomplete to me. She is just… not you. And I can’t help but think about it all the time. And I feel guilty, because it doesn’t matter to me. I’ll still try to see how things end up.

She’s great, funny, lovely, cute, fun to be with, weird… but she’s just not you. And it kills me, since because of this now I know I might never get over you. No matter how hard I try, or how good the person I’m dating ends up being. You’ll always be the one meant for me, no one else. And it’s sad you don’t see it that way.

I love you very much, and I won’t ever stop. Doesn’t matter who I’m with, I’ll always wait for you. But I need to keep going, can’t let me be stuck in the bottom just because you prefer her over me. So I’ll keep trying with this girl, see how it goes even though I won’t ever love her as much as I love you.

And that… makes me feel like a horrible person.

Every time, you manage to break my heart a little bit more with innocent words.

I feel I’ve lost hope completely, though I’m sure that somewhere in my heart there’s still a little piece of hope that lingers and tries to catch you.

I don’t know if you are enjoying this, because it seems you find it funny. You arise hope in me just in order to destroy it a couple of minutes later.

I’m tired.

I want to get over this. The pain is just… too much. I don’t want this anymore.

Missing her badly on my birthday.

Wishing I could hear her voice saying “Happy Birthday” or the same old joke “You are so old”.

I have conflicted feelings, being happy because of today or being sad because she’s not here.

I just know I miss her so fucking and painfully bad.